The blog of a caregiver of a wife with Parkinson’s

Why:

My wife Pam has Parkinson's. Most of the caregiver accounts I found were written by women caring for husbands. I wanted to hear from men caring for wives and found relatively little written from that perspective. This blog is my attempt to document what that experience is like.

Who:

To weigh the significance of what’s in a blog, I think it’s important to know about the writer, and, in this case, the person suffering with the Parkinson’s.

Pam is 82, a former elementary school teacher who basically raised our two sons, both in their 50s now. She was (and at times still is) an amazingly smart woman who graduated from college after getting one or two Bs and the rest As. Her specialty in the last many years was teaching gifted students, and she won awards doing it. She also ran committees at church to the point she headed the committee that brought the current pastor there.

As for me, I’m an 87-year-old former foundryman (this website has enough about that to bore just about anybody). I had Chron’s when I was in my late 40s – thus Pam did a lot of the significant raising of the boys. But, perhaps more significant to this blog is that I’ve been a care giver before. My mother was in a wheelchair because of multiple sclerosis from the time I was 17 until I was 28. I was her sole care giver during that time until she entered the hospital with a stroke. My brother and sister were 13 and 8 years older than me and had moved out long before my mother was diagnosed with MS and my father had left when I was five. The worst part of the caretaking of my mother is that after almost 60 years I still feel the guilt of putting her in a nursing home after the stroke.

Then and now, I am not equipped to be a caregiver. I lack the knowledge and patience to be a good caregiver. I admire those who I see dealing with their loved ones with skill and patience, but then I wonder if maybe their tongues are bleeding from biting too.

When:

How:

I plan on starting the blog as of right now. The information preceding the actual blog will be very important to evaluating what is in the blog; however, to do that information justice it will take some time. I plan to work on that as I can, but also thought it important to actually start the blog as soon as possible – I have a short memory. If I don’t start now, some things could be lost before I fill in the blanks.

Monday, November 9, 2026 –

Pam went to bed at 7:30 last night and I started getting her up shortly after 7 this morning. (Pam and I sleep in separate rooms in an apartment in a senior living facility.) Because of some of the symptoms Pam has been showing of late, I left the door to my room open. (As I write this, I can’t remember what those symptoms were.) She got me out of bed at 1:30 and 5 this morning. As described above (when it gets written) I have trouble understanding Pam’s speech. So, even as I write this in the afternoon, I have no idea why she was calling me in.

Since as I’m sitting here typing this and she is dozing in the chair next to me and talking in her sleep, it may have been she was simply talking in her sleep. I think I’ll close the door tonight.

I’m having trouble getting Pam to eat lately. It’s very inconsistent. Sometimes she seems to eat normally. Today she’s only had a couple bites of a sandwich and a couple spoonfuls of ice cream – not very nutritious but I haven’t found a way to force her to do anything.

Speaking of that, I did sit down with her in the morning and told her if she didn’t start paying attention to her health better, she would end up in the health care facility here. She asked if I was threatening her. I assured her I didn’t want it to happen but if she didn’t make good decisions, it was inevitable. She seemed to accept that.

Here physical therapist (PT) came this afternoon. Pam, as usual being the people pleaser I perceive her to be, did the routine pretty well. Lourdes (the PT) seemed pleased with her effort.

Pam suggested we get books and read to each other. She wanted non-fiction and we opted for a Jane Goodall book. Pam got a hard cover and I got a Kindall. I’m not sure how this is going to work, but we’ll see.

I wanted Pam to not go to bed until at least 9 but she only made it to 8.

Wednesday, November 11, 2026 -  

I am exhausted most of the time. I believe the most exhausting thing for me is trying to figure out what Pam wants. Between her loss of voice and my loss of hearing, it’s a disaster! Adding to that she is showings signs of dementia – wanting to go home when we are in the apartment we moved to a year and a half earlier.

I know she’s frustrated too, but all that does is add guilt to what I’m feeling.